Outgrowing the room  

"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you,

grows you or makes you happy"

Last week, I found myself in a room I’ve stood in many times before.

I was at an awards evening with the company I currently work for celebrating the success of numerous teams of people who have made a difference over the past 12 months. It was an evening of recognition and celebration. I love these events as celebrating the success of others is something I deeply value and forms a significant part of my coaching ethos.

On the surface, it was everything that once made me feel included. But this time, as I looked around at the familiar faces and heard the familiar speeches, I felt something I didn’t expect.

Loneliness.

Not because I didn’t know anyone, but because I didn’t know myself in that room anymore. There was a quiet ache in my chest and a sadness in my heart. In that moment of emptiness, my soul whispered to me: “You’ve outgrown this”.

I knew it was true.

I’ve spent most of my adult life being the good corporate soul. The team player. The high achiever. The one who showed up, delivered, and fit the picture perfectly. But that picture has changed because I have.

It’s like being a jigsaw puzzle piece that once clicked into place without resistance. But now, the edges have softened and reshaped. And try as I might, I no longer belong in the same frame and that’s ok because I have realised I no longer want to. Not because I don’t believe in the mission of where I work but because my own mission has become more powerful.

Tomorrow, I’ll be stepping into a very different room—my first retreat as a female entrepreneur. I am currently in Spain enjoying a break with Rob and for the next couple of days I will be surrounding myself with other women who no longer fitted the puzzle and decided to shape their own destiny.

This time, I’m the new girl. The one just starting. The one without a six-figure story or a thriving business. I’ll be surrounded by 14 women who are already ‘doing the thing’ and running their businesses; leading in their way.

And here’s the vulnerable part. I am finding it scary. It is taking all of my courage to put myself in this room. I am going from being the most experienced person in the room to the one trying to understand, get clear, find her way and learn from others who are walking the path ahead of me. I am digging deep into all of my mindset strategies and overcoming the imposter syndrome that is trying to grip me. I am acknowledging the fears and choosing to move forward anyway.

The most interesting thing I am wrestling with though is the fear that I’m not sure I’ll fully belong in this room either. This thought has been niggling at me for the past week, and I have been allowing it to just be there. This might not be the space where there is a Joanna shaped hole. My puzzle piece might not complete this picture.

Many, if not all the women attending are there because they share the same desires as me, to have freedom and to make a difference in this world.

Many of them have businesses designed to help other women start and grow their own businesses. My mission feels slightly different. I help women come home to themselves. I help them get clear on who they really are, what they really want, and activate the courage in them to lead themselves toward a life that feels extraordinary. A life rooted in purpose, presence, and personal power.

I have no doubt that I will learn a lot and be inspired by the women in the retreat. They will be talking a language I understand and have similar goals even if the context might be slightly different. I am excited to be the learner again; to feel stretched, challenged and inspired.

So, while I’m stepping out of one room, I’m not quite sure this next one is mine either and I am learning to feel ok with that.

But where does that leave me?

This is the part no one really talks about. The space between. The void.

The moment you realise you’ve outgrown the old version of yourself but haven’t yet found the full expression of who you’re becoming or the people who will get the new version of you and celebrate her.

It’s raw, uncomfortable and sometimes, it’s lonely. This space is also where your new truth starts to speak the loudest.

Over the past week as I have contemplated this feeling of outgrowing one room and not being sure if the next room is an exact fit either, I have started to believe that maybe I am not meant to fit into someone else’s room anymore.

Maybe I am meant to design my own space? Be visionary and lead myself in the direction of something that fits me like a glove because I have created it.

My mission is to create a space where 100,000 other women can feel at home. Where they can find themselves and the courageous self-leadership to create lives built around the dreams they hold in their heart. Or, to recognise that it is their time to shape a room of their choosing where they fit perfectly. Imagine a world where every woman feels like they truly belong because they have shaped it themselves?

That’s what I’m holding onto as I walk into this retreat: the knowing that I don’t have to fully fit in to learn something powerful from the experience and I can still belong to myself.

I can learn.
I can grow.
I can be open.

I can be inspired
And I can still be discerning about what aligns.

The freedom I’m seeking isn’t just about time or money—it’s about alignment with my soul. Living a life that feels like me. Being the fully expressed version of Joanna that feels like home. Like I am the missing piece of a Joanna shaped puzzle.

If this is resonating with you, if you are feeling like you have outgrown one room and are trying to find or build your next one, here are the personal strategies I am using to navigate this:

1. Know what no longer fits (Without Judgement)

Before you know what you want, you have to get radically honest about what’s no longer aligned. That takes courage. Sometimes it’s a job, sometimes a relationship, sometimes an entire identity.

Ask yourself:

• What am I tolerating that I’ve outgrown?

• Where am I shrinking to make others comfortable?

• What version of me have I been clinging to out of habit or fear and not alignment?

It’s okay to say: “This no longer fits”.  You’re not ungrateful, you’re just evolving. The most powerful room you'll ever walk out of is the one you’ve finally outgrown.

2. Define what alignment feels like for you and trust it.

It is easy to get drawn into the idea of what the perfect life should look like particularly with everyone sharing ‘perfection’ on Instagram. Alignment for YOU might not be what it sounds like on someone else’s podcast. It is time to be courageous. The transition between rooms gives you the space to define what true alignment feels like in your body and soul.

Maybe it's peace. Maybe it’s clarity. Maybe it's the quiet thrill of being fully expressed as the wonderful woman you are.

Start designing your room around that. When you shape a life from the inside out, the external starts to reflect your truth. But you have to start with the feeling—not the furniture.

3. Be discerning with inspiration

It’s easy to get swept into other people’s visions, but someone else’s success story or dream isn’t always your blueprint. Watch what you’re being sold. Pay attention to what’s aspirational versus what’s authentic for you. We all have different dreams and aspirations for a reason. We don’t all want the same things or to live the same lives. It would be boring if we did.

Just because a room is sparkly doesn’t mean it’s yours.

Create space for your own inspiration. Let your next step come from resonance, not from fear of missing out.

Ask yourself:

• Would I want this if no one could see it?

• Does this path excite my soul, or just my ego?

4. Curate the people in the room

Even before you’ve built the full vision, you get to start choosing who you allow in. Who gets access to your energy, your dreams, your process?

Surround yourself with cheerleaders; the people who get your vision and celebrate it. The ones who speak your new language. The ones who hold space, not judgement. Who reflect your becoming, not your past.

Sometimes it is accepting that there are people who will not make the journey from one room to the other. That can feel hard and can feel sad AND it is ok. For you and for them. It is simply growth.

Remember, you don’t need a hundred voices. You need a handful of aligned souls who see you and support you even while you’re still building your new room.

5. Build as you go—don’t wait for perfection

You don’t have to have it all figured out to start shaping your room, you just need to begin. Lay the first brick. Paint the first wall. Make the first decision that says, “This is who I am now”.

Maybe it’s saying no to something you used to say yes to.
Maybe it’s changing how you introduce yourself in the world.

Perhaps it is casting off the corporate clothes and discovering your new style.

The new version of you is an exciting journey of discovery.

❤️ Final Thoughts

This is what I’m walking through right now. One foot out of the old. One foot not quite in the new. And yet, somehow, grounded and with peace in my heart.

Not because I know exactly where I’m going—but because I know exactly who I’m becoming.

So, if you’re in the in-between, if you’ve outgrown a room but haven’t found the next one yet, trust that you will be ok.

You are not lost.
You are evolving.

You don’t have to wait for a room to welcome you.
You get to build your own.

So, start with one brick. One choice. One act of self-honouring.

And before you know it, you’ll look around and realise: this is my room—and I belong here fully because I created it.

And for me? I know there is a new jigsaw picture emerging, one of my own creation and the Joanna shaped piece will fit with perfection.

With love, from a jigsaw piece who’s redesigning the whole puzzle.