Choose the Reframe

The power of reframing

"You can chose the setback or the step forward. The choice is yours"

Joanna Petrie Rout

I wanted to share a personal story with you this week that captures the theme of reframing so beautifully.

In 2021, I developed significant ringing in my ear. It was the kind of ringing that you sometimes get when you have been to a great concert. I thought it would be something that would go away on its own. But it didn’t. The ringing persisted.

Eventually I knew I needed to see a doctor and so I made an appointment. The diagnosis was Tinnitus. At the time we were still struggling through Covid, and the NHS was stretched so it took some time to get an appointment with the relevant consultant.

The day finally came for my appointment and by this time I had lived with the incessant ringing in my ears for almost 12 months. There was rarely a moment in my life where I experienced silence, something that I had taken for granted. I pinned all my hopes on this appointment to get the situation resolved and to get some peace back in my life.

I had a hearing test and was secretly proud to hear that my hearing range was better than average (Rob says I can hear a pin drop at a thousand paces!), so I was optimistic. I sat in front of the consultant and waited to hear what the treatment would be. He turned to me and said the words I did not want to hear…

Nothing can be done.

I was devastated. I had lived with this inconvenience in my head for months. I had built my hopes up that this appointment would resolve it, and I could not believe that I would have to continue to live with it.

My heart sank. My pulse quickened. My eyes filled.

I made it back to the car where Rob was waiting for me. I got in the car and quickly said to Rob “I am going to cry. Don’t worry. It’s nothing serious but I need to cry”. I burst into tears. I was crying so hard I couldn’t speak. I let all my frustration and disappointment wash through me in those tears.

I allowed myself to settle and I focused on my breath. As I did this, I realised the consultant had said something profound to me.

When he read my notes, he turned to look at me and said…

 “I understand you are hearing unwanted music”

 This stopped me in my tracks. I had never thought of the ringing in this way. I just saw it as an irritant.

In that moment I realised he had created a beautiful reframe. What would my experience of Tinnitus be like if I chose to hear it as music rather than an annoying buzzing. How would my experience of living with it differ if I looked at it from this lens instead?

I knew he had given me a gift even though it had not felt like it at the time. I could choose to live a life frustrated by a noise that doesn’t exist (except within my head) OR I could choose to think of it as music and have it as the rhythm of my life. I chose the reframe.

It was a beautiful reminder that we can shift our mindsets in a heartbeat simply by choosing to reframe a situation. I use this powerful tool with my coaching clients all the time. You can reframe anything if you choose it.

Here is a really common reframe…

How many times do you catch yourself saying “I should”? We all do it.

“I should” suggests that there is part of you that does not want to. It gives off an energy of feeling obliged rather than a sense of desire.

What if you swapped “I should” for “I choose to”?

Doesn’t that feel more empowering? It has a very different energy to it.

Reframing a situation is not about toxic positivity. I am ALL about women using their full range of emotions. I have heard a good cry described as an “orgasm for the soul” and I believe that to be true. There is something really powerful about releasing the frustration, upset and anger from our bodies. It allows more positive emotions to flow through. When we don’t release the negative emotions, I believe they get suppressed and trapped in our nervous systems and eventually it results in illness. Release them.

Think back to my story. Before I could reframe, I had a good ugly cry with snot and everything! It wasn’t pretty, but it enabled me to move it through my system and see the positive of the reframe.

Do I still have Tinnitus? Yes. Does it bother me as much? No. It is just the soundtrack of my life.

Call to action

Reflect on your life at the moment. Where are you noticing opportunities for a reframe? Are there some ‘shoulds’ that could be reframed to ‘I choose’. Are there ‘shoulds’ that should actually just be a clear ‘no’. Be brave.

Play around with it and have fun. Find the reframes that work for you.