Own your story
“Turn your wounds into wisdom” – Oprah Winfrey
I like to think of my life as an epic book and each year is a chapter. I have chosen that my story will be a story of adventure, of overcoming adversity, a romance and a fairytale. It is a true 'Hero’s journey' and I can't wait to see how the remaining chapters unfold.
In my lifetime I have had ups and downs in the same way that everyone has. It is how we respond to those ups and downs that determine how the story unfolds. I encourage women to step into being the leader of their life instead of living a life where they feel a victim to their circumstances.
I usually share personal stories of my own but today I wanted to share the story of an incredible, self-lead women that I have the honour of knowing.
This woman has always amazed me. She is tiny in stature and huge in impact. I first started to become really aware of her when she set herself a challenge to climb the 214 fells known locally in Cumbria as The Wainwrights. These walks include the highest mountain in England, so they are not just a little stroll up a nice hill. They take planning and strong navigation, and she completed a number of these walks solo. I am someone who jokingly says that North is always straight ahead, so this already blew me away.
Over the years I have got to know her well and we have supported each other and cheered each other on through different challenges and achievements. This woman has the kindest heart, and she is incredibly generous with her time which she spends championing others and fundraising for charity.
A couple of months ago we were having a catch up when she asked me to read something. It was an incredibly impactful story written from the perspective of a woman who had lived through domestic abuse and survived to tell the tale. When I finished reading a felt a lump in my throat and I felt lost for words. Then she told me that she had written it.
She shared more about her personal story, and I sat in disbelief about what she had endured. What blew me away more was her courage to own this part of her story and to share it with others and see some good come from the most challenging of situations.
She has gone on to share her story widely and over the past few weeks has been raising awareness as part of the 16 days of activism against gender-based violence. I believe this is the start of a ripple effect that she will create simply by owning her story. She could have made the choice to feel shame about what she experienced and to allow it to eat silently away at her as she moved on with her life. Instead, she has chosen to own it as a chapter and do something powerful with this part of her story.
We all have this opportunity. We all have the choice to look at chapters of our lives and make a decision about how we are going to respond. I truly believe that we become our most powerful when we can both celebrate our wins and learn lessons from our challenges.
Every woman who chooses me as their coach gets into the habit very quickly of celebrating their successes. When I first ask them to share a success, I always get the same response. They either can’t find something they have achieved that they feel is worthy of celebration or they feel embarrassed about having to say something ‘celebratory’ about themselves. I don’t let this go. I am a dog with a bone on this one (ask any of my coaching clients!).
Celebrating even the smallest of wins is important. We let so many things just go unnoticed and pass us by. Some days it might feel like getting out of bed and showing up is an effort. Great, then celebrate that you did it because you could have made a different choice. Get into this habit because celebration elevates your energetic vibration and when it becomes a habit your life shifts. I bet you are really quick to celebrate the achievement of others, well now it is time to celebrate your own.
Once I have established a habit of celebration with the women I coach, then I move on to the mucky stuff. Then we move into the territory of radical accountability. I also get a variety of responses here ranging from women taking accountability for everything (including the stuff that is not theirs to own) and also not taking accountability for the things that have not been great.
To be a leader of your life and to fully step into your personal power, you have to be able to critically review your experiences. When things go wrong, we have to be able to be honest with ourselves and own up to the part we have played in creating that situation. If we don’t, we get caught in a cycle of denial, blame and victim mentality. When we can step back and ask the question “what have I got to learn here?” we become the most empowered version of ourselves. This is not about taking accountability for the behaviour of others, that’s not self-leadership either. It is about taking the lesson and moving on.
These two abilities are the foundation of the work I do with women. Helping them extract the lessons so they can grow and celebrating every single achievement (big or small) so that they get to see their own magnificence.
So, as I bring this to a close, I invite you to think about two questions:
When you think about something that has not gone well recently, what do you need to own so you learn the lesson and let it go?
What have you not celebrated yet and how are you going to do it?
If you want to share these with me, you can do by emailing [email protected].
As for the magnificent women in the story above, she is rocking life. When I read the story, she handed me that day, I looked at her and said this…
“I don’t feel sorry for you, I feel inspired by you”
I deeply meant these words. What I know to be true is that self-lead women don’t want sympathy, they want you to recognise them as the hero of their story; the woman was overcame her challenges and chose to rise.
As with all the women I coach, I can't wait to see her next chapter.
