When the dream doesn't happen

"This too shall pass"

One of the things that I pride myself on (and sets me apart from others) are the close personal connections that I build with the women I coach.

I don’t just help them define their dreams; I invest in their dreams as much as they do.

I don’t just help them become successful, I celebrate their successes with them and make sure they celebrate them (not just let them pass by).

I don’t just leave them feeling lost and lonely in the midst of disappointment, I sit with them and help them work their way through it. I feel what they feel.

I care deeply about the women I am privileged to coach.

I know when a woman is working with me that their big dreams matter. I get to know what drives and motivates them. I get to know what makes them feel vulnerable. I know what they see as their strengths, and I know how self-critical they can be.

Most of all I know the courage it is has taken them to choose to be more, do more or have more. I know the personal investment it has taken to finally break free from playing small and to step into the leader that will take them in the direction of their big goals, dreams and desires.

It is magical to walk alongside a woman and see her thrive as she creates the transformation she seeks.

It is a humbling experience as a coach when I get to hold the space for a woman when her dreams don’t go to plan, and she is walking through fear and disappointment.

But the most potent heartbreak for my clients doesn’t come from failure, it comes from doing everything right and still not getting the thing they poured their whole heart into.

• The promotion they were born for but didn’t get.

• The opportunity they were primed for that went to someone else.

• The vision they built from scratch that someone else now gets to lead.

In those moments, it feels like something sacred has been taken away. Not just the job or the opportunity or the vision, but the meaning. The momentum. The “what now?”

It is a grief that can feel  overwhelming in the moment.

One of the amazing women I coach is sitting in that space right now. She was invited to apply for a role that on paper was written for her; a project she built from the ground up. She showed up fully. She led with excellence. She dared to believe it was hers.

And still, she didn’t get it.

Her disappointment is real; its raw.

In our conversation, we felt this grief together and we allowed those emotions to be there. We didn’t try to suppress them because that doesn’t help. Our emotions are meant to move through us. Allowing ourselves to truly feel what we feel creates space for something new to emerge.

As we talked through the situation and the disappointment, underneath the heartbreak, something else began to emerge. A quiet excitement. A whisper: If not this, then what else is possible? This is the part no one prepares you for. It is a duality that can feel hard to hold. How do I feel disappointment and excitement at the same time?

I have come to learn that a dead end is NEVER a dead end. There is always possibility.

So, how do you navigate all this when you are in the eye of the storm?

You learn to navigate the “Both/and”.

You can feel devastated and still trust the unfolding.

You can grieve what didn’t happen and still believe something more aligned is on its way.

You can feel disappointed and still be powerful.

This is the work of self-leadership. Not bypassing the pain but learning to hold it. To breathe through it.
To alchemise it.

The disappointment doesn’t mean you were wrong. It doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough. It simply means that life, or the Universe, or your soul has a different timeline or a better plan.

So how do we hold the heartbreak and still move forward?

Here are five powerful ways to meet yourself in the midst of disappointment and move beyond it with clarity, courage, and grace:

1. Let it matter.

Don’t rush to reframe or rise. Let yourself feel the sting of what didn’t happen. You cared deeply and that means you were all in. Honour that. Feel the sadness, the anger, the unfairness. This is not weakness; this is your truth. Disappointment is a signal that something mattered. Give yourself permission to grieve it.

Mantra - “Avoiding the emotion doesn’t make it go away. Feeling it is my first step to healing it.”

2. Anchor into your worth — regardless of the outcome.

A ‘no’ to the job or opportunity isn’t a ‘no’ to you even though it can feel personal. External outcomes don’t define your internal value unless you allow it. The courage it took to show up, to dream big, to hope, that is who you are. Hold that sacred. Your worth was never on the line. You are feeling this because you had the courage to hold a dream; you could have played safe. Trust me when I say this disappointment right now will be far less painful than looking back and regretting that you didn’t try or give life your best shot.

Mantra “I am not my result. I am who I choose to be through it all.”

3. Reclaim your story.

This is a powerful point in your timeline but it’s not the ending. It’s a turning point. Ask yourself this: 

• What meaning do I want to give this moment?

• What do I choose to believe about myself here? 

• Who do I want to become as a result of this?

• How is this strengthening my self-leadership?

Disappointment can become part of your becoming when you choose a story of power instead of pain.

Mantra - “My future is not shaped by what happened, but by how I interpret it.”

4. Stay open to the redirection.

Sometimes the door that slams shut is the one keeping you small. What if this no is actually a sacred pause that makes space for something you would never have chosen, but is exactly what your soul needs?

Sometimes the thing we think we want is not the thing we need.

Stay open. Stay curious. Is it possible that life might be rerouting you to a wilder, deeper, yes? In my experience, a disappointment always leads to something more than we could have imagined.

Mantra - “Sometimes rejection is the Universe protecting my expansion.”

5. Lead yourself forward — gently but powerfully.

Once you've honoured the pain, it's time to ask: “What do I want now?”

This is your invitation to step into deeper alignment. Don’t rush the next step but do take one. Even if it’s a breath. A walk. A declaration that you will trust again. This is how you rebuild momentum by walking yourself back to a space of inner peace.

Mantra - “if I can lead myself through disappointment, I can lead myself anywhere.”

Some final thoughts...

Disappointment is not a detour from your path. It is the path. It’s the stretch that’s strengthening your soul, sharpening your clarity, and calling you back to yourself.

If you’re currently in the ‘in-between’, dealing with the ache and the unknown, let me share this thought:

This space is sacred. You are not broken. You are becoming.

Let the heartbreak shape you, not shrink you.
Let the ‘no’ deepen your knowing.
Let this moment forge the next version of you. The one who no longer doubts her worth, no longer seeks permission, no longer needs the title to own her power.

Because you were always enough.

And your next chapter?

It’s going to be extraordinary.